I was having a bit of back pain so I decided to go get a massage at the very classy “Beauty with Spa.” I walk in and sit down, feeling a little uncomfortable, I pick up a magazine and start flipping through it absentmindidly. I’m almost half way through the magazine when I realize just about every girl in the magazine is naked so I look at the cover and I feel a little embarrassed, I look around and see a guy watching me in the mirror, while he’s getting his hair cut, and laughing at me. He tells me that it is his magazine and so I smile and set the magazine aside. Now I’m feeling very uncomfortable.
The lady at the counter calls my name and I follow a small asain lady down a hall (this kind of reminded me of the scene off of Taken when the guy goes to the construction sight) anyways I follow her nevertheless. She takes me in this very small room and tells me to take off all of my clothes and I’m like all of them geez lady can I at least have your name can we talk first or something, she leaves and I’m alone. I take off most of my clothes and lay down on the wierd little table thing. She comes in and starts talking in not english so I ignore her and then I relize she was talking english she just had a thick accent so I answer her and then she begins, this is where the fun begins. She rubs this oil on me and doesn’t really massage more like vigorusly try to force her way into my back while proping herself up on my butt, it kind of hurt I’m pretty sure I have bruises. About half way through my massage I hear a guy in the room next to me, obviously his woman knows what she’s doing. He’s making all these weird noises and moaning and I’m like WTF what kind of massage is he getting? After the massage was over he tells the lady that she has a very sensual way of massaging and he was very attracted to her. Anyways back to me, so this crazy lady is acting like a chihuahua she’s so small but very strong this was no massage it was more like her trying to kill me. She started massaging my legs and when she got to the back of my knees I almost kicked her in the face, that is the only place I’m ticklish, so she gives up and rubs the oil off my legs. Then she lifted up the sheet that was covering me and said flip over so I do and I flash everyone and their mother. She starts rubbing oil on my stomach and I tell her that I have no muscles there so there’s no need to massage it, so she rubs the oil off. Then for some reason she rubs oil in my hair, I dont know why, and starts rubbing in between my boobs and I’m like if this lady is trying to get to second base it aint happening. Needless to say I have never had a massage and I didn’t enjoy that one at all. After this was all said and done I go on a whole new adventure I decide to get my earbrows waxed.
New lady and she is I’m assuming one of my fellow country men (German). so I lay down on the table and she begins. The wax is waaayyyy to hot but kind of soothing in a way, well except for the fact she is going to rip it vigorously from my skin. so she does what needs to be done and then starts pluking. This lovely lady decides her boobs are too heavy so decides to rest them on my face. So now I’m sitting here motorboating some German lady and trying not to cry because she keep stabbing and penching me with the tweezers. Finally it’s over and I can’t say that I regret it I mean if you think about it I got molested for free, I got a crappy massage for $20, I got to listen to some guy assumingly showing his Oh Face and I got to motorboat some lady. All in all it was a good day. NEVER AGAIN WILL I GET A MASSAGE HERE EVER. but I kind of have to get my brows done or they will look bush league.
